Shattered Hearts
by Lynda-Lee
Summary: Can something that shatters into a thousand pieces ever be repaired? Or the one where Arthur is an idiot.
1. Chapter 1

"Sorcerer!" Arthur spat. The point of his sword digging painfully at Merlin's throat.

"Arthur. I...I wanted to tell you."

"Yet you didn't! All this time you've been lying to me." Arthur shouted. "I trusted you Merlin. I let you into my life. Gods, I even let you into my bed!.. And all the while you were just waiting for the opportunity to stab me in the back." He finished. His voice now barely above a whisper.

"Arthur. It wasn't like that. I never meant to hurt you, I swear!" Merlin pleaded. Not caring that tears were running down his pale cheeks. "I was afraid." He continued quietly. "I was so very afraid."

"You really expect me to believe that?" Arthur demanded angrily as he applied more pressure to the blade at Merlin's throat, not caring when droplets of blood began to trickle down his pale neck.

Merlin gasped when he felt the blade pierce his skin, but didn't attempt to move away from the blade. Yes. He wanted to say. Yes I want you to believe me, but he knew it was a rhetorical question and any answer he gave would only serve to enrage Arthur further.

"I should kill you." Arthur stated. Sounding far too calm considering the situation at hand. "I should run you through right now!" Once again he pressed the blade deeper into Merlin's skin.

Merlin's whole body began to tremble, but it wasn't because he was scared of dying. No-It was because he had never meant to Arthur to look at him with so much hatred. He was so used to seeing Arthur glare at him in irritation when he managed to muck up one of his chores or when he pulled the blankets from his body before forcefully dragging him out of bed in the morning.

He was used to Arthur gazing at him with a fond expression on his face. An expression that Merlin always liked to think was love. He always received that look when he had drank too much wine at one of the feasts and Arthur had to physically carry him back to his chambers. Or when they would lie in bed, their limbs tangled together after making love for the third time that night.

But Arthur had never looked at him the way he looking at him now. His gaze was neither irritated or fond. It was hurt and betrayed. And it broke Merlin's heart knowing that it was all his own doing. If only he wasn't such an idiot, as Arthur liked to call him. Of all the ways Arthur could have found out about his magic why did it have to be like this.

He had always imagined that it would happen whilst they were in battle, that he would reveal himself in order to save Arthur's life. he had also imagined them both sitting by the fire, sharing a goblet of wine as he recounted to Arthur all the things he had done to protect him. But it didn't happen that way because he was in Idiot!. He had been in a rush to clean Arthur's chambers so that he could go into the forest to pick herbs for Gaius. So rather than spending time picking up all the discarded clothes that had been strewn around the room, he had used his magic. He hadn't even heard Arthur enter the room. In fact he hadn't even noticed his presence until Arthur spun him around and jabbed the sword to his throat.

Merlin felt the pressure of the blade increase once more. He was sure he was going to die. He just wished that his death wouldn't be bought upon by Arthur's own hand.

Arthur pushed the blade forward once more. Not using enough force to cause any real damage, just enough to make that shallow cut bleed a little deeper. Enough so that there would be a scar left behind to serve as a reminder for his treachery.

"But I wont." He stated. Pulling the sword away and carefully sliding it back into it's sheath and stepping away from Merlin.

"Arthur?" Said Merlin. Releasing the breath he was not aware he had been holding.

"Do not think you are being forgiven Sorcerer!" Arthur snapped. Glaring fiercely. "You are to leave Camelot. Do not bother to gather your things. I want you to leave immediately and know this Merlin, If I ever see you on Camelot soil ever again..I..will..kill...you!"

"No!" Merlin gasped. He couldn't leave. Not like this. "Arthur please. Please just let me explain." He pleaded desperately unconsciously moving a step towards his King.

"GET OUT!" Arthur roared. Pushing Merlin away from him.

"Just go..Leave me." He whispered brokenly as he turned his face away.

Merlin knew it was no use. There was no way to make Arthur listen to him. So he did the only thing he could. He wiped the tears from his eyes, then slowly made his way towards the door.

"Goodbye, Arthur." He whispered as he quietly slipped out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. He continued walking, not caring that his eyes were now red and swollen from crying gaining him curious looks from the people he passed along the way.

He continued on, not knowing where he was going or what he was going to do.

He walked out of the castle gates, his heart breaking with every step, not knowing that Arthur lay collapsed in his chambers. Crying uncontrollably ah his heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

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A/N Hmm I'm not completely sure about this one. What do you think? Continue or not?,


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm sorry Sire, but there is nothing more I can do." Said Gaius. Sounding almost sorry. Almost.

"There must be something you can do?" Arthur pleaded. It had been two weeks since he had ordered Merlin to leave Camelot. Each night he would take a generous dose of Gaius's sleeping potion before getting into bed. But even the medicine could not help him sleep. Instead his treacherous mind would be filled with of thoughts of Merlin.

He couldn't help wondering where the other man was, whether he had chosen to go back home to Ealdor or if he had sought refuge with his own kind. The Druids.

He was still angry with Merlin, the sting of betrayal still fresh in his heart, but he missed him.

Ever since Merlin had left the castle seemed dull and lifeless. It was as though Merlin had magically taken all the joy and happiness with him. But it wasn't just Arthur that was suffering from the loss of Merlin.

Gwaine, upon hearing of his departure had taken it upon himself to try and knock some sense into his King, before heading out to the nearest tavern. Arthur had not seen the man sober since.

Leon. Even though he never seemed to show any particular liking to Merlin in all the years he had known him, kept asking Arthur whether he had made the right decision by banishing the sorcerer.

Percival who had always been a man of few words was now practically mute. The large man didn't speak to anyone unless he was answering a direct question and even then his answers were always short and straight to the point.

Gwen was probably the kindest, most gentlest person he knew. Or had known. Now she snapped at him whenever he stopped to wish her a good morning - which he had stopped doing after all of three days and instead went out of his way to avoid her. Even then she would still glare at him from afar. An angry Gwen was very disturbing!.

But it was Gaius that seemed to bear the brunt of Merlin's departure, the elderly physician looked tired and utterly worn out. It was as if the man had aged ten years.

"I'm sorry." Gaius repeated tiredly. "I have already prescribed you the maximum dosage and I fear that if I give you any more it may prove to cause more harm that good."

Arthur took a moment to study the man standing before him. He had been sure Gaius was refusing to help out of spite, but the man looked sincere. So now what?. He was the bloody King of Camelot. He had duties to perform, but the lack of sleep was beginning to take it's tole. Part of him wondered if Merlin had cursed him as an act of revenge. It seemed like something the skinny idiot would do having known just how much Arthur valued his sleep.

But he knew deep down that Merlin wouldn't actually do something that petty.

"Sire?" Gaius said softly.

'Yes. What is it?'

"Forgive me for being so bold. But it appears to me that you have suffered sleep depravation for the past two weeks. Yes?" Arthur nodded slowly. "Well then, It would appear that the cause is not a medical issue. Sire."

"Gaius. What exactly are you trying to say?" Arthur demanded angrily. Having caught sight of the physicians raised eyebrow.

"What I am saying Sire, is that it may be possible that you are unable to sleep due to the fact that you miss him."

Arthur didn't have to ask you Gaius was referring to. Of course he didn't, because it was true. He missed the bumbling idiot. He missed the sarcastic remarks and the bright sunny smiles. He missed those soft, plump lips. Gods, he even missed those sharp pointy elbows that always managed to dig into his ribs when they fell into bed together.

"He can not come back Gaius. He committed treason." He whispered.

"Did he Sire?" Gaius asked taking a step towards him. "Do you really believe Merlin would betray you Arthur?'

Did he?...No. If he was completely honest he knew Merlin was nothing but loyal, the idiot didn't have an evil bone in his body. In truth, he had never meant to tell Merlin to leave, but at the time he had been so angry.. He had been hurt and disappointed when he discovered that Merlin had kept a part of himself hidden when Arthur had all but laid himself bare.

He knew something had to be done, he simply couldn't carry on like this.

Arthur took a deep calming breath before speaking the words that finally bought a smile to both his and the elderly mans face.

"I need you to tell me everything Gaius. I need to know it all so I can bring the idiot home,".

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A/N Good? Bad? Please let me know what you think.


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